It’s OK To Be Selfish When Thinking About Caring For A Loved One

Many of us, when faced with the possibility of one of our loved ones aging in place may dive head first into the duty of being a caregiver. Providing care to a loved one, after all, is one of the great challenges facing many people with aging loved ones. Many people perceive this need as a duty that they must fulfill for a loved one who has provided so much care to them over the years.

Is it an automatic that you should just accept and dive right into?

Not necessarily. This is a post to give you permission to be a little bit selfish when making a decision about whether to be the caregiver for a loved one who is deciding to age in place. While we would not encourage you to be outright selfish to the point where you don’t consider all sides of the need, it is an imperative that you consider your own needs and capabilities before you agree to providing any long-term care.

Some of the things you should consider when thinking about whether or not you have the capacity to provide the type of care that is required and whether you can make a long-term committment that may be required including;

• What type of relationship do you have with the loved one whom you would be caring for and would long-term consistent interaction with your loved one cause more negative feelings over the course of time. The closeness of your relationship and how much you are willing to push the limits of that emotional relationship should play a role in whether or not you will be able to care for your loved one.
• You may need to be physically strong and durable to manage the care of a loved one who may not be as mobile as they are right now. Do you have the physical capabilities to provide the proper type of care for your loved one without causing yourself physical harm?
• Where you live can also impact the quality of care you are able to provide to your loved one and the level of stress you will need to take on in that care. If you live close by and are able to visit frequently without much effort, you may be ok, but if you are in a long-distance situation it may be more difficult and put a strain on your abilities to properly care for your loved one. You may consider having your loved one move in with you at some point, how would that impact your relationships.

While using the word selfish may be a bit inflammatory in discussing whether or not you are capable of caring for your loved one who is aging in place, you should always be considering how a major commitment to your loved one like caring for her/him would affect you and your situation. No one can predict how long you will need to be a caregiver and therefore you must be prepared to have it be a situation that you can live with for an extended period of time.